Gaining

I think it's worth remembering that being the feeder does not equal being the "dominant" one.

It's ok to be nervous or to ask how he would like it done.

The feedee can be the confident or directional one if that's how you both feel you'd like to work it.

So you can almost be a coy, shy, sweet feeder by asking what he'd like to eat next and how much, stroking his hair or his tummy while he eats it, offering to get more, gently coaxing him to eat/drink another. Feel free to push it slightly when he first says no, he's full (whether by use of words or by spoon/hand-feeding him). Try telling him how excited you are that he'll be so full and getting so fat. That's pretty persuasive

I struggled with this concept to start with and then realised I can't pretend to be someone I'm not - when it comes to sexy stuff (including feederism) I'm just happier following than leading. But that doesn't mean I can't be a feeder. I'm just a rather girly one.

I don't even see why you can't be dorky and awkward whilst he's tied with his hands behind a chair and you sweetly feed him donuts...

(Of course, if the dynamic he prefers is to be dominated and have you make all the decisions then maybe it's not going to work as well... you could try acting confident but you're not going to enjoy it as much if you're not really feeling it. Or maybe if you're generally a confident person it's just because it's the unknown that you're feeling dorky. Maybe practice makes perfect?)

Can I recommend these as background reading? Molly Ren's "Distention" and "Gluttony and Lust" are about her feeding her guy/playmate Deep End. They're awesome:

molly-ren.tumblr.com/tagged/true+stories/page/6

Let us know how it goes!

I think you know that communication is the key. But I can see one twist that could make that a bit hard, which is how each of you are on the scale of seeing feeding as a dominance thing. I mean, there are people who just take a mutual joy in it, there are people want a dominating feeder and a submissive feedee, and there are people who want a dominating feedee and a submissive feeder, and of course all points in between (and probably for a lot of people they can like two or three things, depending on the situation, who they are with, etc). That you referred to yourself as an encourager probably says something right there about your feelings? (and I see in your profile you said you are a mutual gainer, which may be another twist on things?)

So maybe start with a bottle of wine, some candle light (so your faces aren’t so exposed, to make it feel safer), and some talk about what emotions you each attach to feeding, or something like that? Could be joint fantasizing about what a perfect feeding would be like? Or, for a more modern twist on it, do it as a text message conversation.

Or, if he comes to sites like this at all, ask if he has stories involving feeding that he really likes?

And I don’t think there is anything wrong with saying “Remember, I’m a virgin feeder, I’m sure I’m going to like it, but this first couple of times may be a bit awkward!”

Good luck